How “good” is grief? In other words, how deeply human, humane and essential is grief? Moreover, how many of us are fans of the “Peanuts” and remember the nostalgic saying captured in this article’s title?
On a gentle note of grief and depression, likened to grief, are untimely seasons of deepened shades of blue.
I believe embedded deep within depression (like grief) is a soul searing feeling of painful loss... loss of the self, or some meaningful aspect of the self ... or for the self that was foundationally essential or intensely yearned for.
In this life, the repeating themes that ultimately pushes us higher, and grounds us to depths unseen are the themes of loss and love. We need each other to survive; no one can be of healthy mind and soul, by living solely alone, independent of all human touch.
Yet, it is also true that no one, no one can live our life, die our death, nor feel (truly feel, know and comprehend) the impact of our paining loss. Like love and laughter, loss is universally experienced.
While grieving the loss of my marriage, I initially allowed myself five minutes out of every half an hour to grieve. Albeit, there were times when the fingers of grief would spontaneously seize and handle me; I sat with it and allowed myself to process and be nourished, and healed by its palpable and living waters.
In my personal experience, time does not heal all inner wounds. Notwithstanding, time has equipped me with more gifted, healthful coping tools, treasured self-compassion, richer empathy for others and priceless wisdom (when I'm willing to follow it, yes, sometimes I mess up, and make a mess of things), and even a special new quality of boldness (fruits of self-development for having spent this time with myself).
The way we reduce the needs of those in grief truly aches (hurts) beyond what we can ever see; thereby further impacting the devastation of universal grief. What’s more, not only do we, at least think, “oh, get over it”
even more, we dismiss and minimize our own inner grief. We do this by employing multiple self-defense mechanisms to "mask" our grief... rather than feel, we over-coach others and we intellectualize, but something keeps ticking away at us... something just never feels quite done or quite right.
We have a right to fully feel even small disappointments, and set aside a special place and time to mourn over things that we’ve “received” that were truly hurtful, as well as for things we truly needed, yet never did get, and for things we have lost (no matter how "insignificant" to others).
We cannot genuinely heal what we neglect to feel. This does not mean that we now go full blast, launch ourselves back on a life-sized sling shot and fling ourselves into a grave of grief. Honestly, we need not over think, or over do this at all. It only requires that we trust LIFE and its process will prompt, inform and guide us.
Please, let us be mindful, especially with the upcoming holiday season. Holidays (even weekends) are not the best days for many of us. Holidays, anniversaries and even birthdays of trauma survivors can bring up painful memories of unhappy, unmet needs, and an aching void. Please let’s not run away from ourselves, let’s seek proper safety and solace with our grief. Starting with being more kind and gentle with ourselves, and our process, however long it needs to be. Sending love and healing-blessings on Angels’ wings to all... at the speed of Light.
”Oh, Good Grief Charlie Brown”
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