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  • Writer's pictureLisa Sophia Spencer

Updated: Dec 18, 2023

Holidays are not the best days for many of us. Painful memories or realities of loss, or of unhappy, unmet needs, seem to excite a relentless need towards intense blues, frustrations... isolation that we tend to suffer (in many ways alone) during the holidays.

However, we can right now release the need to intensely, unreasonably self-isolate or vacuum ourselves in a loop of self-pitying, downward spiraling thoughts. Let us also release the need to self-loathe or self-abandon, in the guise of over-sleeping, over-spending, over-compensating, dwarfing in the opinions of others, and people pleasing.

Bells of Trauma cannot be un-rung… pain however, can be sweetly heard and healed …

Therefore, I will my heart to go ‘head and break...

Feeling totally lost, yet again...

In more ways and in more miracles than one can find...

Healing from Regret: We will again find ourselves finding love, finding joy, finding higher ground, finding a willingness to forgive... forgive me... I messed up, I didn't listen! I refused to see (denial), to stop, to forgive, to act!

Release the impulse to focus on what you’ve lost. Choose to focus on what you have left. Your potential is always greater than your “limitation”

(while creatively, miraculously unfolding infinite possibilities within (& beyond) your abilities).

Oh God this hurts. Pain of lost loved ones: don't shy away from talking about your loved ones & bringing up the memories of joys you've shared with & about them. Doing so keeps them more vibrantly alive in our hearts & is a gift unto ourselves, as well to those we share with.

Freedom is found in our willingness. Therefore, I am willing to weep in sweet surrender to what is.  We many times did not deserve the hurt, pain or loss that we did get. Your & my life, however, truly does deserve you, deserve me; and wants to live out loud through us in unspeakable joy, new creations and healing.

We will find love, peace, joy, higher ground, strength...

Wisdom encourages us to affirm “I am open to love in various forms.”

Someone may hold the door open for us, a small child may catch eyes with us and smile, a happy little dog may wag its way over to you and show you some love or you may find preciousness in nature or catch a glimpse that pulls a smile across your heart.

We will again follow our own dreams, deep-breathe and have sweet peace; for the absence of peace simply means we have chosen harmful, dis-eased thoughts, feelings and ways of being that lead against our highest best, thereby, we chose to be lost again.

Fear not, it’s ok; we get to choose better this time, over and again.

And it is ok!  …to cry, cherish what we have, and sing (even if we can't hold a tune).

The deep song of any cherished or Sacred Holiday is in our hearts, not our wallets (or anything outside of ourselves).

Let’s choose to stay harmonized, in love with life, in touch with reality, be gentle with ourselves, and be creative and free! (listening to the wisdom of our wellness and spending within our means today will afford us freedom come tomorrow).

...and though at times we may feel lost or lonely as hell, we will be willing to open our Hearts Ten Queendoms / Ten Kingdoms wide; breathe deep and surrender to hope again.

By the grace of the Most High LOVE (we will know) that out of lost, we are truly found. A few Hacks to get through the Holiday Blues: 1) Deep Breathe and imagine that you're breathing in Light, Love and Laughter (hear the laughter of little babies). 2) Bless ourselves in the comforting love of a warm bath (with rose petals, candles and music).

3) Treat ourselves to a little bit of comfort foods & join a local community walk through online support groups that can be found in spaces like

4) Release the wonders of a child‘s imagination within us (and with all the vibrancy of a healthy curiosity that it brings). Dare to imagine all the creative ways we could welcome life, joy & kindness (upon ourselves first & others) in our day.

5) Choose to change how you react to people. While holding onto the wisdom of past interactions, don’t expect people to change (however, if they do, give yourself permission to accept the pleasance of surprise, in the moment it arises). 6) Listen to music that brings you joy, builds you up, and to music that soothes you. 7) As mentioned above, online support groups can also be a good place to create a meaningful experience, like a trauma support healing group. Online AL-ANON meetings can offer beautiful healing experiences. Likewise, AA meetings can be spiritually healing (whether or not you have an alcohol problem). Stay vibrantly, wisely & beautifully daring; do a little searching until you find what you need & deserve♥️

8) Breathe in Light (deep breathe) Smile, breathe out Laughter (a belly-blow-out of imagined deep belly laughter) Finally, laughter is healing like a medicine. You’re invited to take a listen:

© ”Healing Holidays” Lisa Spencer, 2018... 2022

All Rights Reserved

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  • Writer's pictureLisa Sophia Spencer

Updated: Sep 13, 2022

How “good” is grief? In other words, how deeply human, humane and essential is grief? Moreover, how many of us are fans of the “Peanuts” and remember the nostalgic saying captured in this article’s title?

On a gentle note of grief and depression, likened to grief, are untimely seasons of deepened shades of blue.

I believe embedded deep within depression (like grief) is a soul searing feeling of painful loss... loss of the self, or some meaningful aspect of the self ... or for the self that was foundationally essential or intensely yearned for.

In this life, the repeating themes that ultimately pushes us higher, and grounds us to depths unseen are the themes of loss and love. We need each other to survive; no one can be of healthy mind and soul, by living solely alone, independent of all human touch.

Yet, it is also true that no one, no one can live our life, die our death, nor feel (truly feel, know and comprehend) the impact of our paining loss. Like love and laughter, loss is universally experienced.

While grieving the loss of my marriage, I initially allowed myself five minutes out of every half an hour to grieve. Albeit, there were times when the fingers of grief would spontaneously seize and handle me; I sat with it and allowed myself to process and be nourished, and healed by its palpable and living waters.

In my personal experience, time does not heal all inner wounds. Notwithstanding, time has equipped me with more gifted, healthful coping tools, treasured self-compassion, richer empathy for others and priceless wisdom (when I'm willing to follow it, yes, sometimes I mess up, and make a mess of things), and even a special new quality of boldness (fruits of self-development for having spent this time with myself).

The way we reduce the needs of those in grief truly aches (hurts) beyond what we can ever see; thereby further impacting the devastation of universal grief. What’s more, not only do we, at least think, “oh, get over it”

even more, we dismiss and minimize our own inner grief. We do this by employing multiple self-defense mechanisms to "mask" our grief... rather than feel, we over-coach others and we intellectualize, but something keeps ticking away at us... something just never feels quite done or quite right.

We have a right to fully feel even small disappointments, and set aside a special place and time to mourn over things that we’ve “received” that were truly hurtful, as well as for things we truly needed, yet never did get, and for things we have lost (no matter how "insignificant" to others).

We cannot genuinely heal what we neglect to feel. This does not mean that we now go full blast, launch ourselves back on a life-sized sling shot and fling ourselves into a grave of grief. Honestly, we need not over think, or over do this at all. It only requires that we trust LIFE and its process will prompt, inform and guide us.

Please, let us be mindful, especially with the upcoming holiday season. Holidays (even weekends) are not the best days for many of us. Holidays, anniversaries and even birthdays of trauma survivors can bring up painful memories of unhappy, unmet needs, and an aching void. Please let’s not run away from ourselves, let’s seek proper safety and solace with our grief. Starting with being more kind and gentle with ourselves, and our process, however long it needs to be. Sending love and healing-blessings on Angels’ wings to all... at the speed of Light.

”Oh, Good Grief Charlie Brown”

❤️(If you've enjoyed this read, please share it & pass it on)

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  • Writer's pictureLisa Sophia Spencer

Updated: Sep 13, 2022

Are you secretly sensitive about the opinions of others, more sensitive than you’ll ever admit?

We often find that we end up doing what others “expect”, for fear of looking odd, being left out, called selfish or worse.

Our own unrealistic expectations can devastate us, even more painful can be our unquestioned servitude to outside approval. Why do we value and respect others’ opinions of us, more than we prize our own self-truths and values? It would not matter to us, what they call us, if we only answer to LOVE.

Ancient wisdoms encourage us to “learn to distinguish the real from the unreal.” Our Inner-Light, The Greater One, The Creator lives within. We must look within, or we’ll forever be without. Nothing Real can be broken.

Life sometimes really hurts. One way or another, we’ll find ourselves in tears. Notwithstanding, better the cry of victory than the tears of defeat.

Let us affirm, “I have not polluted myself with guilt, neither have I polluted my soul with responsibilities that I ‘m not / or are no longer responsible for.”

Whenever we do not meet the -exact- expectations of others, if we’re not careful, they can easily “make” us feel as though we’re inadequate, weak, dumb or all of the above. This can easily strip us of our sense of self, and leave us feeling hurt, limp and lost.

The Golden rule simply commands that we love others as we love ourselves. Without respect and self-love, we’ll forever look and not find true love anywhere in this world. I, nor you were birthed with the job of meeting the false and twisted expectations of others; only to reap in overtaxed wages of grief.

Take this job and shove it!

Better yet, we hereby and forever release the need to misalign our true purpose, be badly used or to be any shade of victim ever again. We are not the blame and we release all shame. Yet, for our own worth, life and value, we hold only ourselves accountable. Empowered and responsible are we, and from this day forward, we remove all layered blindness, clothed in helplessness and denial. We now declare that we see very clearly, and thus are fiercely free. For whom the Sun (the Fire of Truth) has set free, is free indeed!

I clearly see that most assuredly I am, you are, the hero you and I have been longing for, all of our lives.

Today, we allow the LOVE of life to resonate on high and from deep within. You are truly ok, on your way to richness & pureness of good and beautiful just the way you are.

"Secret Sensitivities"

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